Hey everyone! I know it's been a minute, but life stepped in and threw me a few curveballs to deal with.
I've been sick the past two weeks with ALL the symptoms of COVID and a false negative test to boot.
I'm feeling better for the most part - still struggling to get my sense of taste and smell back (that's hell for a fat kid at heart, lol!) and the exhaustion comes out of the blue and knocks me back a few steps here and there, but overall, I'm feeling better and ready to celebrate Spring!
So, while I've been wallowing in self-pity and not feeling like myself, my daughter has been fighting for her life and has been in and out of the hospital with one of the worst Crohn's flare=ups I've seen her have. She's been struggling with this for years but had been in remission until her surgery last week (complete hysterectomy due to severe endometriosis and PCOS).
As per her normal, she sailed through (with very few complications and somehow handled the pain like a champ) just to wake up a few days later in a full-blown, excruciatingly painful, can't stop throwing up, doubled over in pain, electrolytes bottoming out, flareup from hell.
I'm not even going to get into the potential malpractice suit she could have towards two of our local hospitals... UGH! Why? Just WHY can't people have compassion for others when they are going through something horrific and they are already scared out of their minds and alone because they won't let anyone be with them...
So after two trips to a 3rd hospital - this morning she seems to be doing a little better, at least for now. And I'll take this reprieve for as long as it lasts.
But guys - this woman... she is a warrior. She is fierce, she is bold, she is stronger than anyone I've ever met in my life, but she is also my daughter. My baby. My life. And there is nothing I can do to fix her.
Instead, her life (and her future) are literally in the hands of a handful of doctors who barely return phone calls. Who too often brush her off when she needs them the most. Look, I understand how busy they can be. That there are others who need them too. I get it. They are short-staffed and overwhelmed just like the rest of us working in the healthcare field.
But what I DO know is that she doesn't deserve THIS... She doesn't deserve to suffer. Doesn't deserve to feel hopeless and cry out to me on the way to the hospital that she doesn't even want to be here anymore.
Until you've heard your child scream those words out loud and see her spirit so painfully close to wanting to give up, you will never truly understand the extent of suffering. And for what? She doesn't deserve any of this, I don't know how to help, and it freaking broke my heart.
But you know what? This girl, my daughter, my hero, is unstoppable. Unbreakable. And I PRAY every day it remains that way. That it won't be too much. That it won't be more than she can bear (it feels as if it already is, but somehow she stands regardless).
As her mom, I love and support her and encourage her in any way that I can from here, but I also never stop praying that God will recognize when she has had ENOUGH. When she's at her breaking point. When it is FINALLY her time to heal. BEFORE it is too late.
These thoughts and concerns and overwhelming fears have consumed me this week, to the point where I could barely sleep.
And today is my day to schedule for my full-time job at home. I've been looking forward to Friday all week because no matter how busy I am with scheduling or what emails need to be taken care of, I can be in my office, my quiet space, and I can set everything else aside and breathe.
So while checking emails and tending to things in my personal inbox I've let go all week (for obvious reasons!), I stumbled on an email that talked about freelance writing opportunities - something that's on my "to-do list" to look into. I've been feeling a pull in that general direction and need something to fuel my writing fire but also might earn us a little extra travel money in the process!
So I open the email that reads as follows:
Got a new freebie for ya today!
It’s a cheat sheet for becoming a freelance writer, starting from scratch. It shows you what to write about, how to get clients, everything.
It’s created by my buddy Jon Morrow over at Smart Blogger. They’ve trained writers for Forbes, Business Insider, all the fancy places.
If you’ve ever wondered if you could make some extra money from freelance writing, this is by far the most actionable, up-to-date info out there.
And it makes a great side hustle! You can do this in like 5-10 hours a week and start bringing in some extra income.
Well, that sounds great! Exactly what I was wanting to check into. So I clicked the link, handed over my email address, and waited for my cheat sheet to arrive.
I opened it up and sure enough, there is a cheat sheet and roadmap to follow to start looking into freelance writing.
But once I downloaded it, I received a follow-up email. That's pretty standard anymore with the creation of email funnels. As a content creator, I'm well aware of how this game works, lol.
But at the bottom of that email was a link that literally changed my entire life with one click.
It was from a guy named Jon Morrow, and inside, it gave a brief synopsis of his life now and how he'd made it to where he was today.
He invited the readers to click the link and learn more about his story.
Guys... I clicked the link and couldn't stop reading.
I felt as if I was reading my daughter's story through his eyes. Only he's suffered from Multiple Sclerosis from birth. And has gone through hell and back to even stay alive.
But as I'm reading his story - it becomes crystal clear the reasons my daughter is going through what she is. The WHY behind her pain. The PURPOSE for her future.
With tears in my eyes, I shared his blog with my daughter and told her that if she doesn't document every word and write her life story - she is truly missing her calling in life.
She is going to have one hell of a story to write when all of this is said and done and she is only on the other side of the pain, the suffering, the illness.
And I believe that one day soon, she will FINALLY get that reprieve she so desperately needs. A relief from the pain. Hope from despair. Suffering to thriving. It's coming. I can feel it. It just needs to get her SOON...
So I'm writing this today and sharing her story with all of you because I want you to know that there is hope. I know right now it doesn't feel like it, but I promise you, a better day is coming. You have to believe that and hold on.
I'm sharing the link to Jon Morrow's blog - Unstoppable - because I think it's the thread you need to help you hold on. The hope you need to make it through one more minute. One more hour. One more day. No matter the struggle you face.
In closing, I'll share his link and pray that it touches your life as much as it did mine.
It is probably THE most inspiring, heartbreaking, motivational blog post I've ever read.
To those of you struggling right now... you are not alone.
To those of you feeling like life is just too much and you don't know where to turn... you CAN beat this and you WILL!
With all my love,
Here are the last few passages from this life-changing story. Say it. Believe It. Because YOU are unstoppable too.
Today, you might feel too poor or sick or unlucky to reach for your dreams, but you’re not.
Today, you might feel too tired or depressed or sad to even try, but you’re not.
Today, you might feel like an outcast, forgotten by your friends or family or anyone who might help you, but again, you are not.
You’re still breathing, my friend. That’s all it takes to stage a comeback.
So, say it with me now, would you?
“I will never, ever give up.”
Say it. Believe it.
And then recognize you’ve begun the journey to becoming totally unstoppable.
~ Jon Morrow