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Hey all! How are you today? How were the holidays? I hope that the holiday season was kind to each of you. That you gathered (safely of course) with your families, friends, and laughed until your sides split, ate until your guts hurt, and made memories to last forever and ever.
Ours were good, though it felt like we raced through them. My hubby and I had over 10 days off to recoup and I feel like I blinked it was over.
I have to warn you – this isn’t going to be your normal happy-go-lucky inspirational podcast. I’ve got some unloading to do, releasing my own baggage I’ve somehow accidentally carried into the new year, and I need to unload it before I can move on.
And I’d challenge you all to do the same. I know for me, I had such high hopes and expectations that 2022 was going to be my year. That I had the whole world at my fingertips - ready to dive in and take back my dreams and make them into something far bigger than I’d ever done before. It was going to be MY YEAR, dammit.
But, suddenly, I opened my eyes and found myself STUCK in the middle of one hell of a chaotic, sad, terrifying, insane January and no clue how to jump off that crazy train or find enough motivation to move forward!
So what the hell happened?
Well, first of all, I let fear overcome my decisions and I let it swallow me whole for a bit.
See first it started with my daughter who lives thousands of miles away getting COVID. Worrying about if she’d do okay. If she had anyone to help with the baby. If she’d be okay or be one of the ones this horrible virus would be too much for. As a mom, we all know you never ever stop worrying. And I tried my best to be supportive and not let her see my fear. But it hurts, being this far away and not knowing how to help.
And then my grandbaby run a 104 fever and was in the hospital. She tested positive for COVID as well. Now, my fearful, terrified heart broke into a million pieces when I saw the fear in my daughter’s eyes as a new mom – it was hard enough watching her baby sick for the first time in her little life, let alone, being sick with COVID. But I watched her and her fiancé hold that baby close, love her with all of their hearts, and they rose above their own fears, leaning on one another and making it through the other side stronger than ever.
Both she and baby are doing better now and for that, I’m forever grateful to the universe, to God, to whoever it is watching over our loved ones and keeping them safe in this unforeseen, completely horrific day and age we are living in.
Not only did my father-in-law contract COVID, but so did my mother-in-law. My FIL is still in the hospital and not doing the greatest. My MIL seems to be recovering and getting stronger every day.
One of the docs I work with has COVID and so did her son who is finally recovering. I have a previous coworker, a previous tenant, and a whole handful of friends and friends of friends that are also sick right now with this relentless virus.
My daughter who’s been struggling with health issues for years and barely hanging on by a thread has hit a few walls and I’ve seen her strength, her resolve weaken as well, and it breaks my heart. The somewhat violent past she thought she’d escaped has resurfaced, and the trust she’d handed over in lieu of forgiveness and moving forward has come back to bite her in the ass once again. I worry about her safety. Her finances. Her health. Her and my grandson’s future. What will this year bring for them now? She’d sworn THIS, THIS was going to be her year. And I believe with all my heart that it still can be, but first, she’s going to have to weather a few storms and pray she comes out on top of it all.
So, I’m sorry. But as hard as I’ve tried to stay positive throughout this whole relentless pandemic, throughout all the chaos and noise surrounding us every moment of every day it seems, these past two weeks have finally weakened me.
And I have hit a wall.
Now, I don’t feel guilty for admitting my weaknesses or exposing my vulnerability to you. No, that’s not what this is about. But I feel sad, disheartened, and yes, a little guilty as well, that for a moment, it was easier to stay stuck here in this moment. To let fear, anger, anxiety, and depression overtake me. These emotions, though negative and self-defeating, feel familiar, feel comforting, and real. Feel safer to hold onto than to face another day, hoping things will change, and watching everything spiral out of control.
But I realize, now that I have a moment to breathe and things seem to be a little clearer than they have been in the past week or so, that it’s not in admitting defeat.
It’s not in exposing these emotions and being raw and admitting the truth.
It’s in the very next steps I take. The next few decisions I make on how I want to proceed.
It’s in getting back off of the ground and learning to take a step forward and stand on my own two feet again.
And from others I’ve talked to, podcasts I’ve listened to. We are all feeling a little this way right now. So there is comfort in knowing I’m not alone on this journey of trying to make my way back up to the top of just feeling normal again. Feeling sane and whole. Feeling like I’m ready to conquer this year, just as I had planned.
I’m not there yet, but I’m beginning to feel that passion, that fire, kindling just beneath the surface. So you’ll excuse me for a moment longer while I take a moment to step back, regroup, and come back stronger and better than ever before.
I’m taking my own advice and using this season to hibernate myself into a new me. A better me. One that is full of light, love, and hope again. And I hope you’ll stay with me as I do. Let’s lean on one another to get through these crazy times.
If there’s anything I’ve learned in these 50-some years around this planet is that no matter how dark things seem - no matter how defeated and desperate you sometimes feel, that darkness always ends. One way or another. And the light always, always, returns to show you a new way again, doesn’t it?
And remember that kindling fire I said I am beginning to feel burning just underneath the surface? Even in the midst of everything going on around me that appears so negative, so hopeless, so BLAH – my soul senses that there is a change – a huge, massive shift coming my way. And I want to prepare myself the best I can for that change when it happens.
I’ve often compared myself to a butterfly, ready to emerge from its cocoon. Sometimes I’ve felt as if I’m there and I’m finally beginning to break free and soar. And other times, like now, I feel as if I’ve been sleeping forever. That I’ve retreated to its safety once more, and I’ve forgotten my purpose to teach others to emerge as well.
A change is coming my friend, and whether we are ready or not, it is almost upon us. And I for one, don’t want to waste another second hiding in the shadows while it passes me by.
So, what do you say? Take my hand, and let’s find our way out of the darkness, together, you and me?
Alright. Let’s do this.
So right now, I want you to take a moment to close your eyes and clear all of the negative thoughts and headspace. I want you to find that space where you can retreat, forget the rest of the world and its chaos for a moment, and let my words settle in your heart. Let me try, despite how I’m feeling as well, to guide you to a better place. To guide us both to a better place where we find hope again.
So the first question some of us might be facing – I know I did – is “How did I even get HERE? How did I get sucked down the rabbit hole, so to speak, and now I don’t know how to claw my way back out again?”
The first thing I realized was Holy shit – how is this only JANUARY and I’m already approaching burnout!
But then I realized – you aren’t approaching burnout. You didn’t deal with your baggage and the burnout you were carrying from 2021, and possibly even 2020 too – and now you aren’t approaching it- you’re thick in the middle of it. And You need to release it and deal with it before you do any more damage and let another year pass away.
And if not for myself – I refuse to let any more time pass when I think about my cousin, Chris who has ALS – and would kill for another year, another month, another day, another minute to leave as she did before her diagnosis – Life is too damn short to be attending these pity parties – letting days and weeks pass feeling sorry for ourselves or wishing our lives away that things will get better.
What can we do right here, right now, to MAKE things better ourselves and stop living as if the world is going to end at any moment, afraid to grab our dreams and shoot for the stars?!
I don’t have all the answers – that is for sure – but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to find out. Are you?
So, as I asked earlier – what happened that we ended up here? I know for me I felt like I’ve found my purpose in 2021 in doing course creation and wanting to help others write their story. I created this podcast and opened my own business “In Pursuit of Purpose” and promised to take you all on this journey and the ride of a lifetime as I rediscovered who I was meant to be and taught you to do the same.
And then I feel like I woke up one day shrouded in fear and darkness blinding me from seeing my purpose and wondering where it all went wrong.
I thought I was running straight into a future I’d only dreamed of and suddenly found that I’d taken a left turn somewhere and accidentally veered straight off the map and into nothingness.
I found myself uninspired to do much of anything.
And my biggest confession (as I’m putting on a workshop on how to master your mindset and write the story of your life) – made me feel like such a hypocrite! I took an honest look at my life and realized that I, myself, as an author, have not written in well over a year!
I’m teaching you how to combat writer’s block – but man… I’m smack dab in the middle of THE worse form of writer’s block and uninspired, negative thinking I’ve ever been in!
In this current state of mind – I’ve discovered an unexpected version of myself that I’m really not very fond of.
I’m short with those I love. Unfeeling towards those that deserve the most compassion of all.
I’ve been wasting precious seconds of my life feeling lost and too easily giving up hope when I KNOW the steps it takes to get myself out of this mess! I’ve done it over and over and over again throughout my life. So why, this time, was it so easy to just throw in the towel?
I don’t really have an answer to that except to say that I haven’t been following my own advice I’ve given to you all in the past 20+ episodes. And that needs to change and it needs to change today.
So this is my defining moment I guess you’d say. I had the choice to sit here today while I’m at home working today and waste precious moments not knowing how to spend my day, feeling this podcast calling me, and almost, almost shutting it all down.
But I made the choice to unpack my baggage with you here today and say – enough is enough.
Who we rise to become and who we leave behind so we can find the strength and fortitude to explore this newfound landscape – the future that awaits us in 2022 – is what really counts – right here right now, isn’t it?
I just read a quote on Facebook that said “The New Year stands before us, like an open book, waiting to be written.”
So what story are you willing to show up for and write into existence this year?
What wounds are you willing to reopen, to expose in order to help yourself, and others heal as you grow?
See, life happens to all of us. Sometimes it’s shitty. Sometimes it’s downright awful and we feel like it’s unfair so why even bother. And we wallow in self-pity and wish it to not be so hard.
But what are you doing today to make it not so hard?
We have to learn to get up. Show up. Grow up. Do the work it takes to get us out of this pissy-ass mess we’ve made of your life until we learn to stand on our own two freaking feet again.
I also saw another quote on Facebook just this morning that said “Maybe you aren’t supposed to go back to the old normal. Maybe you’re meant to grow beyond it. Be open to new possibilities.”
And that’s when I knew That’s my answer.
That’s why I’m so uncomfortable right now. I’ve been trying to move forward but I need to shed the old normal – and not just halfway. Strip it down until I’m naked with the truth and all of its ugly bitter glory.
And it’s time to learn who I am in my NEW NORMAL – the one I want to become – the one I’m meant to grow beyond my wildest expectations.
So let’s open our eyes and wake up, people.
It’s time to reinvent the YOU that’s no longer working. The person with all that heavy baggage you’ve been carrying around that no longer serves who you are meant to become.
So stop complaining about all the zig-zagging we’ve been doing. All the wandering off course and falling straight off the map.
Remember the saying “No all who wander are lost?” Maybe THAT is our truth in this moment.
Maybe we weren’t lost at all.
Maybe our hearts, our souls, dragged us purposefully straight off that map we’d been walking, to shake us out of our comfort zones. To redirect our paths and wake us up to the possibilities that lie ahead of us. The ones that lead us to a NEW YOU, A NEW way of thinking. A new way of being.
So let’s admit the truth - we came to the end of another year and in your head, you silently celebrated the fact that you've made it another year around the sun and you are ready for the changes the New Year brings... and then... it hits you like a ton of bricks... not much has really changed at all. In fact, you realize you've let doubt creep in now you’re stuck in a pattern of self-destructive behavior you thought you’d let go of a long, long time ago.
So instead of a New Years' resolution – I’m setting a new Year Evolution or Transformation instead of a resolution.
Because life happens. And it’s not going to just sit by and wait for us to get our act together. It’s not going to stop throwing us curve balls and derailing our train of inspiration and hope.
But it’s our job to figure out how to deal with the messiness and take life by the horns and say ENOUGH! I WANT TO LIVE! I want to thrive! I want to be happy! I want to find my joy and my purpose once again.
In closing found a poem I thought symbolizes the way we should look at the way life happens to us all.
It reads:
Life happens.
And it happens fast.
Life happens over years and at times it happens within a split second.
Life hits harder than anyone can.
It hits so hard that your lungs cry out for air, making you realize how precious Life is.
Yet Life is so tender.
It leaves you speechless.
It has you yearning for more. More tenderness. More love. More of the good.
Our moments that make up Life colour us.
It colours us with joy. Happiness.
Some moments in life leave you breathless..
Some moments change you.
Moments are like windows we look through.
Some frozen, some clear, some half open.
There are many things in my life that I wish I could take back.
Many moments I would recast.
But I know it will then change my life forever.
The direction.
The purpose.
The now.
Life is all about moments.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Don’t wait for them, create them.
We have moments of truth when we are tested, decisions that have to be made, or even a crisis that has to be faced.
Some moments shine like precious diamonds.
And then there are those moments when the world moves so slowly you can feel your bones shifting, your mind tumbling..
And you catch yourself savoring the moments.
In the end, they are the only things we'll have.
We never can just stop time.
Or Life.
Or take moments back.
But that’s the trouble with moments—they end.
And that’s the trouble with Life – it ends.
~ Luzette’s Thoughts...
So, my friend – are you gonna stay stuck where you are in this moment right now?
Or are you willing to join me as we figure out how to live like there’s no tomorrow?
I don’t want to give up. Give in. Or just lay down and take all that life is throwing my way right now.
I want to live the hell out of a too-fragile life that could be taken away from me in the very next second I breathe.
How about you? The choice is yours to make. But you are the only one that can decide whether to risk it all and make 2022 the year of your transformation. The year, you finally wake up, and emerge from that cocoon you’ve been hiding inside, and spread your wings and fly baby fly.
As for me, I’m going to defy the odds I see stacked against me, and I’m going to emerge with eyes wide open and ready for change. I am ready to wake up. I am ready to fly.
I hope you’ll join me each week as we take the next steps in becoming more than we ever thought imaginable. As we learn that nothing is too big to handle when we step out of the way and let the universe guide us.
My wish is that I have provided you with hope, that I have uplifted you, that I have made you laugh, made you cry, and that you want to scream out loud – I want to take my life into my own hands again – and take the time for me to be still, recharge my creative batteries, and greet the new year with eyes, arms, and a dreamer’s heart WIDE OPEN to receive the blessing of the universe.
For now, my friend, we will learn to fly!
But most especially, I want you to shout it from the rooftops - I CAN DO THIS! YES, I CAN!
Chin up, my friend. You’ve taken another big step. It’s all uphill from here!
So straighten your crown. Take a deep breath in and let it all go. I believe in you.
You’ve got what it takes and so do I.
Together, we’ll make it through, day by day, and piece by piece. Until we’re restored. Healed. And find Joy in the Journey once again.
I hope you have a great week and find a little piece of heaven to retreat to in the next few months to find your center and heal from within.
Hang in there and know that you are loved from here to the universe and back.
Until next time,
I’m unconditionally yours.
All my love,
~ Sadie
