So, on last week’s episode we started a discussion on How to Jumpstart Your Year and 8 Steps to Awaken Creativity to Spark Inspiration and Joy.
**** Insert screeching tire sound here!
Wait, that wasn’t last week’s episode? Was it the week before? No? Okay, so the week before that?
Uh – turns out in looking back at my Podbean Episode List – the last podcast I did with you all was on February 4th. I mean, how is that even possible?
**** Insert papers shuffling sound here!
(Pulls up my documents and checks the facts) Turns out that is entirely accurate and I have no idea how it’s August 5th already!
Man, guys. I’m sorry about that. It was never my intention for this podcast to become less of a priority and be put on the back burner, that’s for sure.
So, I want to reconnect with you all. I wanna know how you are all doing? Now that we are well into 2022, how are things going?
I have to laugh that when I looked up the podcast before my last one – the last one in January I think - I titled it “Approaching Burnout – Holy Crap – How Is This Only January – Get Up, Girl. Get Up!”
That just goes to show you my mindset in late January/early February and reminds me of the struggles I had those first two months of the year.
So, where have I been and what have I been doing? Well let’s start with what happened shortly after my last podcast...
In March, my husband and I both got COVID. And let me tell you – we are so very thankful that we didn’t have it nearly as bad as others – in fact my father in law passed away from COVID in December and my mother in law now has permanent lung damage from the effects of this awful virus.
And while we are thankful beyond measure that we’ve recovered now with no lasting effects, I’m going to be real with you all for a minute.
To say that it took me a while to recover my energy level is a grave understatement.
At first, it was just the sheer, overwhelming exhaustion and brain fog that kicked my butt.
I was finding it hard to remember just the basic details of my everyday life that needed to be done.
To remember the name of something or someone was always on the tip of my tongue but never able to be recalled. I don’t know about you all, but that’s so frustrating – especially when you are at work and relied on to run the show, so to speak.
But things kind of continued to spiral for me and somewhere towards the end of March or so, I realized that this nagging feeling of not feeling like myself, feeling down, worrying, fearing, complaining, and just feeling blah had turned into full blown depression coupled with anxiety I tried desperately to push and keep just below the surface to survive.
But here’s the God honest truth – that’s all I was doing was barely surviving. And I was tired. Emotionally, physically, spiritually beat down and unable to do anything but get up each day and rinse, crawl, cry, and repeat. It played on loop for months it seemed before there was any sort of light at the end of the tunnel.
My writing took a huge hit as well as I was blasted with the worst form of writer’s block I’d ever experience in the entirely of my writing career.
I felt sad, and lost, and like there was no hope things were going to improve anytime soon.
Then the middle of all of this our doctor retired and I was forced to find another one. I wouldn’t need a physical again until November, but because I had to switch providers, she wanted me to come in for a complete exam and blood work etc. blah blah blah.
So I get my results back and my cholesterol is high at 234.
My blood glucose was 148.5, and my A1c was 6.8.
Say what????? My “go-to” cheats are NOT sweets by far! They are cheetos and chips and bread and starchy things with no sugar in them! Right? WRONG!
So on May 13th, 2022 I was officially diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.
I let that sink in. I cried. I screamed. I wallowed in self-pity and complained about how unfair it all was.
But then, something happened when I decided to take my future into my own hands and change my life.
Something I really hadn’t expected.
My husband and I started walking. Very slowly at first. Like, huffing and puffing and walking on flat ground for 20-30 minutes a few nights a week.
Well, that didn’t last long.
By the next week, we had beat our current walking speed and time by far.
By the week after that, we were back on top of our game and I actually craved our nights of walking.
We are just starting our 3rd month in now and though we’ve had a few setbacks like a “vacay weekend with family in Kansas City” where we fell off the healthy eating wagon. Like a week and a half stint with poison ivy on my hubby’s part and heat exhaustion on mine. But we never let it deter us for long and we were right back at it.
We’re now walking 5-6 nights a week for 3 miles each night and loving it.
So why am I telling you all of this?
First of all, you need to know that I am by no means bragging about our accomplishments. Are we proud of ourselves? Heck yeah we are! We have goals we want to accomplish and we intend to do just that.
But I’m only here to share with you how far I feel I’ve come in just a few short months since my diagnosis. Why?
See, every day of my life, I seek to learn and inspire and grow. And I figure, why not help you on YOUR journey and learn from my mistakes. Maybe, just maybe by sharing it all, the good, the bad, the guts, the glory, I’ll feel just a little less alone. And maybe, just maybe, when you see that there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel, you will too.
I hopped on PodBean today to see when the last podcast was to find that my downloads and traffic were still increasing even as I sat home worrying if it even mattered. If I was making any progress. If anyone was listening, of if my calling to help others even mattered to anyone but me.
Turns out, despite my absence, you were still listening. You were still being motivated by the podcasts I’d already put out to change. And I hope that even through my struggles, I might reach your heart and help you even in some small way, so you don’t have to feel like you’re alone in whatever it is YOU are going through right now.
Look, I had good intentions for this year. I planned to become a success in not only cranking out week after week of inspiration for this podcast, but also, I had BIG goals from an entrepreneurial mindset to get my business – In Pursuit of Purpose – off the ground.
Well, apparently, the universe had other plans and I took a sharp left turn and fell straight off my self-planned visions instead.
So I guess what I also want you to know is that I’m human, just like you. And despite all the progress I had made in unearthing the baggage of my past, I am still learning, still growing, and man, at the drop of a hat I can be still “undone” by the littlest obstacle put before me.
What scared me the most was how fragile my psyche truly was. I’ve never felt so vulnerable to losing hope in all my life as I did the first part of this year.
Now I would be remiss if I didn’t say a big ole thank you to Menopause for at least part of the way I was feeling. 😊
But even through those challenges and months I struggled, I’ve gained new insight, a new perspective, and I’m currently working on a brand new course called “Thriving through Menopause and Muffin Tops” I hope to share more details on very soon!
I'm also working on a new book - Fragments of Hope - that I have sworn to finish by the end of this year (if not sooner!). I feel like though our circumstances (the main character, Hope, and I( are much different that lead up to "falling apart," our journey is the same as we struggle to find our way amid the chaos of the world and find ourselves at a precipice - a proverbial fork in the road once again - facing the choice to remain stuck. Or choosing to lay down our swords, stop fighting our past and the woman who is desperate to climb her way back to the top of her life, and stop wasting precious time that we are not guaranteed we'll get.
Now I ran across this song not too long ago when I was just beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel again, and I wanted to share some of the lyrics with you. I felt like I truly was living only half alive for the majority of this year.
The song is “Creature” by Half Alive.
Look inside of me and see that I am not afraid To walk inside the void like a kid inside a cave Discovering the patterns of my soul and where it's placed I've been mapping many caverns but it still feels like a maze
I know I'm made of clay that's worn Blighted by imperfect form But I will trust the artist molding me
I am creation, both haunted and holy Made in glory Even the depths of the night cannot blind me When You guide me Creature only
Look inside my heart and find a perilous ravine Carved within the beauty, the darkness in between Standing in the balance of complete and incomplete I identify the echo of what is and what will be
Wow – how powerful are those words? I truly can relate because even in this moment, I know I’m not even close to where I want to be. But I’ve made it out of the darkness where the night no longer blinds me. And I feel like even through my struggling, I was being molded into the woman I’m meant to be.
I often felt as if I was truly standing in the balance of complete and incomplete and man can I identify with the line that says “I Identify the echo of what is and what will be.”
See, I spent most of the time when I was so down feeling like this year had been a waste and so disappointed in myself for letting things go that far backwards. Kind of a “why bother now? I can always start over again in January, right?”
Then I got an email from Jack Canfield (author (founder?) of Chicken Soup for the Soul series?) “Create Your 2022 Half-Time Plan.”
I was intrigued by the title alone so I opened it. And I’m telling you. In reading his words, it literally changed my mindset. It shifted my perspective and opened my eyes to the reality that it’s NEVER too late to start over. And you don’t have to believe the BS lies that tell you that you are a failure if sometimes you have to take a step back because this world is just TOO MUCH! Because it IS! It's TOO TOO MUCH! Especially if you are facing it alone.
Remember I’ve talked in the past about how important self-care is? That just solidified it for me. I took the time I needed to care for my self, and now I’m ready to get back on track!
So the article I mentioned by Jack Canfield read:
I don’t mean to scare you but…
We’re almost halfway through 2022!
Time passes faster than you may realize. It can slip past without you noticing – and without you devoting enough of it to pursuing your cherished dreams.
That’s why NOW is the perfect time to review the personal and professional goals you set at the beginning of the year and recommit yourself to achieving the ones that matter most.
It’s time to regroup, recharge, and review your performance to figure out what’s been working, where you need to improve, and what you need to do next to achieve your big goals by the end of the year.
So that’s exactly where I’m at right now in this very pivotal, hopeful time in my life.
Now I’m going to close with one more quote that uplifted my soul and reminds me that the time to change, the time to LIVE is right now!
It says “Take a Minute to remind yourself that you only have this one lifetime on this earth. It zooms by and is over before you know it. Don’t waste a precious second living a life of mediocrity, always go after that which gives you goosebumps.”
Man, I love that. THIS is why I’m back. I want to help YOU grow and realize your dreams are within your reach as well. Don’t let that anxiety, depression, hopelessness or doubt define you any longer.
Stick around and follow my journey, and let’s go chasing goosebumps together!
Alright, well I have so much more that I want to share with you all and so many plans I’d love to reveal, but this isn’t the podcast for that just yet.
I just felt like I owed you an explanation as to why I’ve been away.
But as the title of this podcast suggests – I’m done wasting time.
It is MOST certainly game time for me.
So Let’s Reset the Clock and Create the Life We Were Truly Meant to Live! Shall we?
I hope you will continue to follow me on my transformation of weight loss & walking away the pounds, surviving menopause one hot flash filled day at a time, battling against diabetes that I refuse to let control my life, and continuing to declutter the things in my mind, body, spirit, and home that have no place in my life any longer.
So join me next time, will you, as we take the next steps in becoming more than we ever thought imaginable? As we learn that nothing is too big to handle when we step out of the way and let the universe guide us.
My wish is that I have provided you with hope, that I have uplifted you, that I have made you laugh, made you cry, and made you want to scream out loud – I CAN DO THIS! YES, I CAN!
Chin up, my friend. You’ve taken the first step. It’s all uphill from here!
So straighten your crown. Take a deep breath in and let it all go. I believe in you.
You’ve got what it takes - and I'm just recently relearning that So.Do. I!
Together, we’ll make it through, day by day, and piece by piece. Until we’re restored. Healed. And find Joy in the Journey once again.
I hope you all have a great week. Get out there and enjoy what's left of these beautiful, hot summer days. Get moving. Get inspired. Just never, ever, give up. You got this!
Hang in there and know that you are loved from here to the universe and back.
Until next time.
I’m unconditionally yours.
All my love,