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Hello, Hello, Hello!
Yes, I know; it's been a hot minute since I've posted a blog, hasn't it?!
My first reaction is to apologize for neglecting this blog and my podcast followers. To be honest, I needed this time away.
The bottom line is that I've struggled - HARD! - for the past several months, both physically and emotionally, to stay on top of things.
My energy level tanked when I got COVID in March of this year. I quickly fell into a negative thought pattern I found hard to shake off, ultimately leading to depression and a resurgence of fear-based reasoning.
Brain fog and creative roadblocks kicked my butt! I started to question if I was on the right path at almost every level of my life.
I tried to find inspiration in my go-to motivational bag of tricks, but nothing made sense anymore.
Then, in April, after my primary care physician retired and I was unexpectedly forced to find a new doctor, I received a shocking diagnosis I never expected.
With my weight at an all-time high (thank you, Menopause!) and my cholesterol and blood pressure creeping to dangerously high levels, my new PCP ran blood work and said the words I never expected to hear - You are now a Type 2 Diabetic.
The news wasn't earth-shattering and shouldn't have even been surprising. But when you are in denial and not listening to the signals your body sends you to warn you that you aren't on the right path, the universe steps in and reminds you that you better pay attention before it's too late.
For a few days, I let her words sink in. Then I cried. I screamed. I wallowed in self-pity and complained about how unfair it all was. Who wouldn't?
I wasn't ready to admit that I had fallen so off course from the ME I knew I was always meant to be.
I took a hard look at my life, and honestly? I was shocked to realize I was at a standstill on almost every level. That's not an easy admission, and it certainly scared me to see just how far off track I'd gotten in such a short amount of time.
I knew that if I wanted to truly change, this is where my journey would have to start - by tearing myself apart from the inside out and rebuilding the woman I desperately long to be, one painstakingly raw and brutally honest step at a time.
So for the past few months, I've been re-evaluating the things in my life that keep me chained to the past, that hold me back from becoming, that stop me in my tracks and don't allow me to progress.
And then I took one step forward, and I moved!
That was the first step of my journey of a thousand miles, and I haven't looked back.
On 5/16/22, my husband and I embarked on a weight-loss transformation journey that has since become so much more. We started by slowly walking and for short distances at first. We've since worked up to much longer walks, hiking moderately challenging trails in the forest, and even jogging and pushing each other beyond our limits.
But the deeply-rooted, soul-searching conversations we've had along those life-changing paths have opened our eyes the most.
We began to question and re-evaluate our entire belief system, and that's been an eye-opening experience, to say the least!
Once you begin tearing down the walls and start from the ground up to rebuild all you've ever known and let go of the things you once thought you believed and now no longer serve you, it leaves you in a strange headspace.
Once you've removed the self-limiting principles and beliefs that kept you shackled to the past and unable to move, you find yourself with a whole new perspective and excitement to learn, grow, and discover!
On the flip side, all you've ever known has disappeared - your comfort zone no longer shielding you from fear - and we have found ourselves at a precipice - a proverbial fork in the road - and you're are unsure where to go from here.
By no coincidence, I had YouTube playing in the background one day and ran across a song that spoke to me. I let the lyrics and words access the very corners I couldn't find the words to express myself.
The song was called Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Prophets.
I don't know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I'm finding I can't do this on my own
I don't know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I'm done fighting
I'm finally letting go...
...If there's a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it...
These lyrics have become my new mantra. I let them lead me on this path I now walk with eyes wide open.
I don't know where I'll end up or what twists and turns await beyond the bend.
All I know is that I'm ready - more ready than I've ever been before.
To change.
To grow.
To move.
And throughout my journey, I seek to learn and inspire and grow.
You see, I figure, why not help you on YOUR journey and learn from my mistakes.
By sharing it all - the good, the bad, the guts, the glory - maybe I'll feel a little less alone. And when you see there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps you will find comfort too.
I hope you'll continue to follow our journey and maybe send some encouragement and light along the way - I have a feeling we're gonna need it!
Today, I seek to reclaim my power and manifest the future I know can be mine - if I just believe it to be so.
As I blaze a brand new path on this first day of my journey of a thousand miles, my prayer today is that if there is a path I should walk, Lord help me find it.
I'm done fighting. I'm finally letting go.
Will you join me on this journey and finally let go of all you've been holding on to that no longer serves you?
I'll be ready when you are.
I'm just waiting for you to say, "Let's move!"
All my love,
~ Sadie
