Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well on this chilly early January morning. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and spent time with family making memories and celebrating traditions you’ll never forget.
My husband and I always take a little time off towards the end of the year, so I’m just trying to get my bearings and settle back into some sort of work-life balance and keep my head afloat as I do.
This year, in particular, for me, our time away provided me with one of the only chances I had all year to slow down, take a step back, and stop for a moment to reflect.
And if it feels like it's been a hot minute since you've heard anything from me in the form of a podcast or a blog, it's because...
Honestly, I have no excuse for being absent for so long, except that life took a few unexpected turns in the last twelve months and I've been processing it all - the beautiful, the tragic, and the messy in-betweens I wasn't sure some day I would survive.
When it became too much to handle, I pulled back from my podcast, from blog, even from writing and working on novels, and I grieved in real time.
I processed unhealed trauma that suddenly resurfaced, as those demons of our post sometimes like to do without warning.
I experienced more than one tragic loss in less than a month, and in the process, fought to come to terms with someone I no longer recognize in the mirror as myself.
The heaviness I carried from deep within my soul took a toll and I struggled to keep my head above water most days as my heart shattered and I could no longer stop the sorrow I'd tried so hard to keep at bay so no one would know how much I hurt.
After all, I've promised to be here to encourage YOU, to uplift you, and to help you through your trauma, so I guess I felt like I was supposed to somehow keep myself together and be the strong one despite all the challenges I faced in my own life.
But I couldn't have been more wrong...
I learned that I couldn't do it on my own. That my strength lies in being real and sharing my pain as I experience it.
After months of soul-searching and fighting to find my way back out of the dark, I discovered that these life lessons are an integral part of my healing journey and my purpose, whether I want them to be or not.
I've quietly stepped back and let life roll over me, letting the waves of grief, heartache, and disappointment ride.
But lingering on the cusp of this holiday season and the promise of a new year, I feel something I haven't felt in quite some time.
Within the fragments of brokenness that remain within the tragedies of this year, I feel hope.
I'm learning to stand again. To create. To write from the pain instead of hiding it away from within.
I'm opening new windows that let the light in, as I build a doorway to a future, a new year, I choose to now create for myself.
I'm carving out sparks from sunshine and glimmers of hope found in quiet moments of reflection, holding loved ones closer than ever before, and rearranging my purpose as I turn the page and enter a new season of hope, forgiveness, and change.
I will revive myself, my business, and my purpose in this new year, and I will return stronger than ever before as I heal.
The first announcement I want to make is that I have completely revamped my podcast, formerly known as "The Daily Escape Podcast."
It has been rebranded and will now be called "In Pursuit of Purpose."
I wanted it to become cohesive in intention with my coaching business, blog, and ultimately, my purpose to help heal others.
'In Pursuit of Purpose' Podcast theme for Season 3 will be titled "The Next Chapter."
This season's subject matter will focus on learning how to let go of the past, turning pages of change, and leaning into this new season of my life, instead of running from it as I've done in the past.
My purpose and passion continues to center on inspiring others to find their voice and teaching them how to rewrite the story of their life through spoken or written word.
And the second announcement I would like to make, is that I am quite literally rewriting my story, one chapter at a time as we speak.
It will be my personal memoir - the story of my life from when I was a child until now.
And I am going to write it in real time, as I open myself up to be vulnerable in sharing it all with you as we go.
And can I be honest with you for a second? That thought of that scares the living hell out of me.
But I have learned that old ways won’t open new doors.
And I have remained far too long in a place I do not belong.
And I’ve stayed here, because, honestly, I’ve been just too afraid to move.
It’s much easier to stay somewhere that’s comfortable and feels safe sometimes, isn’t it? In the space where you’ve always lived and where you don’t have to be too daring or brave?
If we stay here, we’re protected. And maybe if we’re quiet, no one will notice and that way we won’t get hurt, right?
But this time away my husband and I had started to eat at me. In the quiet moments where I was forced to be still.
This still, small voice that’s been with me my whole life and is unrelenting in planting seeds of change and coaxing me to do the things that are sometimes hard and not comfortable, even when I don’t feel strong or brave.
And as hard as I’ve tried to shove all this crap that’s gone on in our personal life below the surface so I don’t have to face it. So I don’t have to feel the pain. It just keeps resurfacing over and over again and I realize now, I have no choice, but to look it in the face and learn how to face it before it eats me alive from within.
So while 2023 was a year of unearthing family secrets and trying to come to terms with what that new reality and life without those people who tore our family in two really meant moving forward…
And at times, it was difficult to keep myself from going down that rabbit hole of anxiety, depression, and more sadness and pain than my heart at times could handle, and I rather have pulled a blanket over my head and buried my head in the sand and stayed in bed…
I just can’t do it anymore.
I can’t waste anymore time living like this. Being afraid of what’s waiting around the next corner, or what tragedy might be coming next.
Fear has honestly been my undoing. And the thoughts in my own head have kept me trapped in a place I no longer want to live.
There is a quote by Lucius Anneaus Seneca (and also lyrics to the song “Closing Time” by Semisonic) that says “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
So while many things in my life have been unexpectedly forced to come to an end, I can see that within these endings, within these difficult and life-altering goodbyes, there is a new beginning that lies within the letting go. Letting go of things I was never meant to hold on to anyway.
I have reevaluated many things in my life and I’m realizing that I have the power to say which things stay and which things go.
So I might be lost at times moving forward. I might not always have the answers. And I might still be scared to change.
But I am learning to find my voice again, to listen closely to my intuition as I dig through the bones of my trauma left behind and decide what to keep, and what to toss aside in the pile of rubbish that no longer serves the person I will one day become.
Do I know how long it’s going to take to get there?
No, unfortunately I don’t.
In fact, I found a quote by Dawn Serra that says “There is no timestamp on trauma. There isn’t a formula that you can insert yourself into to get from horror to healed. Be patient. Take up space. Let your journey be the balm.”
I was never meant to be the bringer of darkness. And from a very young age, I knew, despite the things that have happened to me, that I was always, always, always, meant to heal.
I want to be the light. I want to be the hope. And I am forever in pursuit of the purpose I know remains within, despite the losses of this past year, despite the traumas of a past I have no right to hold onto any longer, despite the hopelessness when at times I felt like giving it all up.
See, within those moments of darkness, I found glimmers of light to hold on to. I heard your voices echoing mine of past podcast episodes where I told you that we were all in this together and we could do it if we just find the strength to hold on.
One day. One hour. One minute at a time if we have to, right?
Thank you, guys. Thank you for letting me unload. For allowing me space to get the yuck out and let it go, so I can start anew with a renewed spirit and give you the best of me again.
As I grow into the woman I’ve kept hidden away. It’s time for her to rise up and now, it’s her turn to come out to play.
I’m done hiding. I’m done being quiet. And this will be my year.
So in this new year - 2024 - a year I’m rebranding and calling the year that WILL BE my catalyst to change - we are going to turn the pages of an ending that no longer serves us.
And we will rewrite a new beginning as we rise from the ashes. And find peace and joy and hope in this journey once again.
I hope you'll join me in this new year for a brand-new season with new content, motivation, inspiration, and special guests who inspire and motivate me to thrive, not just to merely survive.
I will continue to encourage my listeners to embrace your personal journey, highlighting this podcast’s role in helping you unlock your purpose and embark on a transformative writing journey through episodes centered on self-discovery, rewriting old narratives, and healing from past trauma, one impactful episode at a time.
Most of all, hope, I hope you know that you are loved, you are worthy, and you are enough, no matter where you are in your healing journey.
Together, we can, and will, heal as we learn to let the past go and welcome in this next chapter, turning pages of transformation, healing, and change.
I am learning to Be patient. I am learning to Take up space. And I am learning to allow my journey to be the balm that soothes my wounded soul.
I can't wait to see where this new road takes us as we embrace this new year and make it into everything we need it to be.
Thanks for being here.
And thanks for making a difference in my life.
I wouldn't be where I am today without you.
Hang in there, and know that you are loved from here to the universe and back.
Until next time,
I am unconditionally yours.
All my love,